Disposable Pets

I'll just go ahead and acknowledge that I'm probably going to offend some people with this post because I am not a pet person. But, I felt the need to explain why I am not a pet person because it is not for lack of trying to like pets. I grew up in the country and I had lots of kittens and dogs. There were no leash laws or fenced in yards, so pets were...ummmm....how do I say this delicately....disposable. Animals roamed free and you just hoped they came home at night because you were the one with the food. It was quite common for them not to come home and you would assume they were on the road somewhere or got lost and found a new person who had the food. I learned early to not get emotionally attached.

Here's a roll call of my pets as an adult to prove to you I should not own pets.(If I was a serious blogger I would provide pictures of all the creatures, but quite frankly I don't have time for all that. I am 'slackinoff' of the things I actually need to do today.)

Snuggles the bunny--Snuggles was our substitute child till we had a baby, and once that first baby arrived, Snuggles was pretty much ignored. We woke up one morning and Snuggles was quite stiff in her cage. My mother says she died of a broken heart from being ignored. Personally, I think it was a delayed reaction to the time she bit the lamp cord and flew across the room from the shock.

Leroy the goldfish--Leroy lived in style. He had a whole 10 gallon tank to himself. One morning, I walked in the living room and there was no fish in the tank. I looked everywhere and could not find the fish. Kevin then joined the search. Somehow the thing ended up under the recliner and thus in the toilet.

Blues, Tweety, and Pickles the parakeets--Kevin had the idea that we should have one bird for each kid we had at the time and being the loving wife that I am, I went along with it. What was I thinking? If I could have only seen into the future to know that I would be cleaning poop off the miniblinds, I would have argued with this idea. Pickles also had the unusual ability to open the cage and escape, even with a twist tie wrapped around the door. One night around midnight, I was walking down the hall, in the dark, half asleep, to check on a sick kid, when Pickles buzzed my head. Gave me the closest thing to a heart attack I've experienced yet. The whole house was awake in the middle of the night trying to catch the stupid bird. When we moved to another state shortly after that, we passed them on to another family under the guise that we couldn't take them with us. I have since heard that the birds have all gone to birdie heaven and these people are no longer my friends.

Pokey the turtle--Pokey had the unfortunate demise of wandering into our backyard and being adopted by Zac. Pokey was actually an easy pet until we discovered bugs in his/her cage. I banned him/her outside and he/she passed away shortly after.

Squirmy the gerbil--The saddest part of Squirmy's story is that Zac saved up $35 to buy her and the cage. That's a lot of money when you're 9. He knew I would never spend any of my own money on a rodent, and it was also made very clear that I would never touch the rodent, even if I found it hanging out of the side of the dog's mouth. And I didn't. Not even when it lived for a week under my stove and behind my sewing desk. Squirmy was mean. The kids couldn't play with her or hold her because she would bite. Again, we were moving out of state and we passed her on to another unsuspecting family.

Belle the golden retriever--Belle was the reason I began this whole stupid post, but I'm running out of time so I'll have to continue this story another day.

Today's lesson: If I'm moving and I try to give you something--don't take it!